We are back with the second part of Pramodini Roul’s story Giving Up Was Never An Option. So do read this inspiring story. If you haven’t read the first part, I suggest you go back and read it first; otherwise, you won’t understand a thing. So do it, and let’s continue listening to Pramodini’s story.
Pramodini Roul – Acid Attack Survivor
After a while, we couldn’t afford to pay the bill, so I was moved out of the hospital. Reaching back home was equally challenging, and people made it worse for me. Fufaji clearly said to my mother, ‘You can stay here, but she can’t. I don’t want her anywhere near us.’ Maa refused to abide by his rules and rented a small house for us to stay in.
I was still going through the healing process, and my wounds used to smell like sewage. Forget about others coming around me. I couldn’t even stand my smell. Even dead bodies smelt better than me. Others were discussing my story, and I had become a hot gossip topic for aunties.
They would often visit me but only to rub salt on my wounds and satisfy their sadistic nature. Their comments like ‘She is destroyed.’ ‘She’s a gone case.’ ‘Who will marry her now? Her life is over!’ hurt me till no end. Sometimes, when my mother was not around, they would lift the bedsheet to see the damage more closely. I was paralyzed, so I couldn’t do anything to stop them except scream. At night, I’d pray to God to kill me. During the time, death was all I wanted as my life had become miserable, and I didn’t wish to continue with it.
Five years passed like this. We were living with no hopes. I had given up on my dreams, and I just wanted to live everyday life, but it was far away from my reach. Then one day, Saroj appeared at my doorstep. I recognized him when I heard my mother chuckling after five years. Saroj instantly came into my mind. I couldn’t see him, but I could feel his presence around us. Then he asked, ‘How are you, Rani?’ a sly smile crept on my lips as he was back in my life.
Saroj came back to my life like a dream. In between the conversation, we discovered that he had gotten my address from his nurse friend. He had brought my favorite chocolates and laddus from the city. I appreciated his efforts, but I still hated males, so I didn’t speak a lot. He took my mother aside to communicate in private. I could hear him asking about my physical state and my mother explaining how we couldn’t afford to pay for therapies and better treatment. Surprisingly, he assured my mother to make me walk in just four months.
From that day onwards, he started visiting every day. He would help me to walk, sit and move. He’d massage my legs frequently and motivate me to walk again. I had lost my vision, so he used to describe movies and articles to me.
He was the only person around us during that time, and the rest of them were present for namesake only.
Post three months of training, I took a step. I stepped out after being bedridden for five years. I always used to ask him, why are you helping me so much? Friends, relatives abandoned me and society then why was he helping me out so much? No doubt, I obliged his efforts, but I had been enough throughout the time, and trusting a boy was difficult.
He’d always say, ‘Not everything has a reason behind it. Stop finding it. I do it because I want to,’ his words and assurance always warmed my heart. I started looking forward to his visits. Gradually, I fell in love with his kind heart. All my restrictions and reservations faded away, but I never voiced out my feelings. I knew I couldn’t live everyday life, and I couldn’t be the life partner he deserved. So I should stay calm and silence everything.
With time, I was able to walk correctly. After five years, getting out of bed brought a sense of relief and victory like I had climbed the mighty Mt. Everest. These little moments that I’d spend with him were the best part of my day. Saroj had changed my life in the true sense.
Then one day, I was taking a round of the room, and I reached him. He held my hand and said, ‘Marry me.’ Words can never describe what I felt at that moment. I couldn’t believe my luck.
At that time, I was not able to speak. I knew I loved him, but I couldn’t say yes as I didn’t want to become a burden on him. Also, I wanted to do something with my life, and more than anything, I wanted to punish my attacker. It was the sole motive of my life. Saroj agreed to wait for me.
The police station was the first place I visited after gaining my ability to walk. I told them about the incident, but I got nothing in return except disappointment. They said there was no Santosh Kumar, and they found no evidence against him, so the case was shut. I knew Santosh was using his contacts as he was an Army soldier and shared bonds with politicians. Moreover, I was blind, so even if they caught him, I wouldn’t be able to recognize him.
I didn’t lose courage. He had ruined my whole life, so how could I let him sleep peacefully? I had decided that I would punish him no matter what it takes to do it.
I went ahead with a new plan and applied it to the Chhanv foundation in Delhi. They worked for the betterment of acid attack survivors. They allowed me to join, so I and maa moved to Delhi. It was a new but unknown journey for me. However, I was excited because I’d be able to do something with my life. It was better than being bedridden or not able to move an inch without anyone’s support.
During my stay, I came across many victims who suffered like me, which boosted my confidence to move further with the plan. The best part of it was earning, making a living, contributing, and helping my mother. I had always wished to be independent, and I was living my dream.
Saroj was staying in Odisha, and we were in a long-distance relationship. When I was working with Chhanv Foundation, he was trying to find a cure for my blindness. Then after two years of analysis, discussion with various doctors, he finally figured it out.
He called me and asked me to pack my bags. I was confused, so I questioned his motive. Then he said, ‘We’re going to Chennai.’ Did I ask why? so he replied, ‘Why? don’t you want to see me anymore?‘ I jumped in joy mentally when I understood the hidden meaning behind his words.
I went through multiple surgeries, and after all the surgeries, I received only 20% visibility, but it was special for me. It meant a lot to me as I could see the world again after seven years. Everything seemed different, new, like I was a newborn baby who had just opened her eyes and saw the world for the first time. First-person I saw was Saroj.
I was over the moon. I can never tell you what I felt when I looked at the love of my life for the first time. We hugged each other, cried in pain, and rejoiced in happiness. All our prayers were answered.
Then I again moved back to Odisha and started helping other victims. Saroj also decided to join me, but he also said that you need to fight for yourself first. Then again, I filed an FIR against him. It was a seven-year-old incident. I didn’t have any evidence against him, so my case was weak. To make it strong, I spoke to his friends and family about it. I asked them why did he do it with me? Then I also recorded their calls as proof.
During the investigation, I discovered that he was married and had kids. This truth angered me more as he had spoiled my life, and I went through hell just because he couldn’t handle my rejection. Now, I wanted justice for myself at any cost. I collected enough evidence through social media and personal connections.
People came out in my support and tweeted the case to the sitting Chief Minister. After this step, the court reopened my case. At that time, Santosh was living in Kashmir, and after the attack, he had left his job and moved to another city. He tried to run away when he came to know about the case, but the police caught him in Bengal and brought him in front of my eyes.
Post 7 years, we came face to face as police called me to identify him. I got there with Saroj and my cousin. He was standing with 21 other people, but I instantly recognized his face. How could I forget his face? It haunted me at night whenever I kept my head on the pillow. All the pain that I went through because of him, situations I had to face, comments I had to bear, dreams I had to leave behind occurred back to me. Everything appeared in front of my eyes like a movie. I couldn’t stand those memories as it was painful for me to recall them.
I stood in front of him, and he smiled at me. I had the urge to wipe that smile away from his face. He was jailed that day, and it was a great relief like I had won an Oscar award. I can’t tell you how satisfied I felt when I saw him behind bars. I truly rejoiced.
Fast forward to now, it’s been 11 years, but the case is still going on. He hasn’t been proven guilty for his misdeeds. Many judges changed, and with each change, I had to narrate the entire incident again. It pained me to go through the memories. But I haven’t given up because giving up was never an option. As I said before, I wanted justice at any cost. I firmly believe that soon I will get it.
Now, I have married Saroj on 8th March. When I go back to the past, I find it ironic because I encountered two men. Both loved me. One couldn’t handle the rejection and threw acid on my face. He was an army soldier, and it was his duty to protect all of us, but he did something as inhumane as an acid attack.
Later one changed my life completely. He accepted me when I couldn’t bear to stand myself. He loved me even when I hated myself. He trusted my capabilities even when I doubted myself. He brought hope and dreams back into my life. Words can describe my feelings for him.
I was 17-year-old Rani, who was an acid attack survivor. He made me Promodini Roul who is independent and knows her worth.
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