Intercaste marriages in India are still considered taboo. In some cases, couples face opposition from their families, relatives, and society. Even in 2021, people shy away from accepting inter-caste marriages. Caste is considered superior to a couple’s compatibility and bond. Indian society doesn’t value love over caste.
However, we feel that people must not support such a mentality in this era. It’s okay to go for an intercaste marriage if you bond well with your partner. Trust, compatibility, love, respect, and understanding matters more than caste and background.
Manisha Apul Intercaste marriage
Manisha Ramlani fell in love with Apul when she was working in Pune. Manisha belonged to an Orthodox Sindhi family, and Apul came from Jain background. Initially, their families didn’t agree to the alliance, but they were determined enough to go for it. This story is a journey of how they convinced their parents and dealt with issues later in their marriage. Let us know more from Manisha.
I’m Manisha Ramani, born and brought up in Ujjain. I held up from an Orthodox Sindhi family, and throughout my childhood, I have faced gender discrimination. My grandparents didn’t wish for a girl child, and they were pressuring my mother because of it. At last, I was born, but they weren’t delighted at all. My birth was a tragic period for my parents.
Being a girl child, My parents always told me to behave in a certain way. Since childhood, I had to put up with many restrictions like I wasn’t allowed to go out late, I couldn’t talk to any male or be friends with them. Sometimes, my grandparents criticized my behavior, dressing sense, sitting, and walking position. However, my parents were always supportive, especially my mother.
After 12th, I went on to learn Graphic Designing and Animation. After finishing the course, I started working with a corporation. At that time, my family was in pretty bad shape financially due to a loss in business. I wanted to help my family and let my brothers continue their studies. So I took up the job.
I used to travel 60 km per day for work because the company was based in Indore. I was paid 3000 rupees per month only. I kept 500 rupees as pocket money and bus fare and gave 2,500 to my family. Family relatives and my grandparents had an objection to my job and late arrival. My parents suggested that I move to the city and stay there only, but I denied it. Because shifting meant no money left for my family, I wanted to support them at any cost. So I never paid any heed to their mean remarks.
While working, I was looking for better opportunities to help my family. When I completed the graphic designing course, my mentor suggested that I go to Mumbai for better exposure. At that time, graphics and animation weren’t famous. People didn’t know about it. Back then, there wasn’t much to do in the field compared to the present.
I considered his suggestion, and I decided to shift to Mumbai. I shared the idea with my family. They didn’t take a minute to say no because it wasn’t easy for a Sindhi family like mine to let their girls go out and shift to urban cities for better career opportunities. Fortunately, I at least had a career and a field to get into. Otherwise, other girls’ parents told them to study and then marry. That’s how it works for them.
Somehow I convinced my family, but they didn’t have the resources to support my departure financially. I asked our relatives to help me out with the money, and they lent me a six-monthly fee for the course.
This shifting to Mumbai was a gamble because our relatives told my parents many things. ‘What if something happens to her?’ ‘It’s not safe for a girl to be alone in a city like Mumbai. What will you do then? Who will marry her?’ ‘What if she ended up having an affair with someone who doesn’t belong to our community?’ ‘Will you let her do the inter-caste arranged marriage?’ and whatnot, the list is too long to put in words. Luckily, my parents didn’t let it affect their minds. They supported me throughout the journey, which mattered the most for me.
In Mumbai, I pursued a 3D animation course for months, and then within six months, I bagged a job in a graphic designing company. Later, I received a fantastic offer from UTV motion pictures Pvt ltd. I worked with them for a while until the recession struck in. In 2009, they had to close the animation department due to the financial crisis. It was a recession period, and industries worldwide were affected.
Companies didn’t have the budget to pay their employees, so employees were laid off. They handed me two months’ salary and told me to look for a new job. The backdrop shattered my dreams and everything that I had achieved so far. However, I didn’t give up on things and courageously decided to face the time. I switched to a part-time animation teaching job. It didn’t help that much financially, and nothing else was to do.
That’s why I couldn’t manage to survive in Mumbai without a job. I shifted to Indore and resumed working for Arena. Two years later, I applied for a job in Pune when the recession subsided. At that time, the animation and VFX boom was on peak in these metro cities. I had a lot of offers, among which Pune’s offer seemed the best one, so I relocated to Pune. That’s where I met Apul.
We came across each other in 2013. Apul used to work in the other division. He was the head of the animation department. His office was right in front of my workplace.
We used to meet each other occasionally, like at parties and celebrations. The first time we spoke to each other during the Diwali party. Our conversation was nothing more than customary hi and hello.
After a while, I got a friend request on FaceBook from Apul. I didn’t know him personally, so I never added him to my friend list. A month later, one of my colleagues saw it on my account and asked me to accept his friend request. He said, ‘Manisha, Apul is the head of the animation department. He has an excellent reputation, and I have been working with him. The guy is genuine and humble. You should accept his friend request. There is nothing to worry about him.’ So I accepted his request. Though we never talked until we met each other again at a party.
It took us almost three months to talk. He initiated the conversation, and we began to chat on Facebook. Soon, we became friends and started conversing on WhatsApp. Within a limited time frame, we bonded so well. Apul became my closest friend.
I loved spending time with him. He’s a funny boy, and he used to make me laugh and drive my sadness and stress away with his silly jokes. Apart from being funny, he’s a gentleman, and he understood me as no one else did. He respected my choices and opinions whenever I voiced them out. All his qualities made me fall in love with him.
A few months later, Apul proposed to me over a phone call. He was at a party and mildly drunk, and that’s why he made the call. I didn’t reply, but I knew he was sincere. That night, I debated a lot with myself, but I couldn’t resist the feelings I had developed for him despite the odds. I knew that Apul was the one for me. The next day, in the office, he apologized for his behavior, but that’s when I said Yes to the relationship. Apul was over the moon.
We dated for a while to get to know each other better, and later we decided to get married when we were sure of our relationship. Apul’s Jain family warmly welcomed me, but the scenario was completely different in my family. My family was shell-shocked when I shared the news with them. This revelation didn’t go down well with my family. They reacted as if a thunderstorm or tsunami had destroyed our home.
First of all, they had a problem with an intercaste marriage, and they didn’t like Apul because he had a dark complexion. My relatives taunted my parents, saying, ‘We told you not to send her away. See, this is what happens. Girls these days have no cultural values. That’s why they should be kept in the home only. Yahi hota hain padha likha kar job karwane se.’
Some of them came to me and said, ‘Apul isn’t a good-looking guy. What did you see in him? He is not from our community as well. Leave him. We will get you a better boy from our community, and he will be as fair as you. Both of you will complement each other.’ Honestly, I didn’t have the energy to fight with them. I knew it was going to happen. So I didn’t react that much, but my mother was agitated.
So I comforted her with my words. I said, ‘It doesn’t matter what our relatives and society think about me. You have raised me, and your opinion matters to me. I will do it only if you will agree. Apart from that, I don’t care about anyone else.’ My family took some time to come around. Later, they agreed to meet Apul’s family. They fixed our marriage.
You won’t believe it even until my family wasn’t convinced about the alliance. I used to fear what if they break it off. However, Apul was my most effective support system. He kept me on edge throughout the time. We got married with our family’s consent. There was a buzz in our community, but it subsided after a while.
It’s been years since we tied the knot. We have a little son, and the journey has been blissful. I never regretted my decision. I’ve cherished it every day. Apul is my perfect match and the partner I always wanted. Together, we have bridged the gap between our families. We looked after both of them. We encouraged each other to progress more in work. We never let negative comments bother us. That’s what couples do, right. They just love each other and stay by each other through thick and thin.
Lastly, I want to say caste, background, financial status, and appearance don’t matter. Value your partner’s character and marry the person you can bond well with. Communication, trust, and love build a marriage. Both of you can lead a good life if you understand each other very well. That’s all marriage is about.
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