We get into a relationship to be happy, smile, laugh, and make good memories. Not to be constantly upset, to feel hurt, and to cry. However, these types of relationships still exist in our society. One partner has total control over the other in all aspects, be it physically, mentally, or emotionally. Worst of it all, the victim doesn’t dare to stand against the other one. They are silently bearing everything, crying over the rotten faith.
But I want to ask you, is it the right thing to do? Is it okay to let the other partner control your life and not even stand up to fight for your dignity? Well, no, you should fight back for your respect and life. Get out of the relationship no matter what it takes to do it.
Today Hatke Story features Shraddha Upadhyay, a courageous girl who went through a similar phase but rose over it. We are sharing her story so you can also learn from her experiences.
Shraddha Upadhyay – My Story
I’m Shraddha Upadhyay, I belong to a Brahmin family, and I have done my schooling in Maharashtra. I grew up in different cities as my father had a transferable job. I did graduation in interior design from Pune.
It all started in 2014 when I shifted to Pune again with my best friend. So I wanted to experience new things, and I wasn’t working. We met through a mutual friend, and then we started talking to each other frequently. With time, we became good friends and connected quickly. Gradually, we fell in love and confessed and got into a relationship. Everything was going well in the starting. So we decided to move in together because we stayed alone. We both shifted in one flat. It was pretty good at the beginning. No problem at all, but living alone and living together is a different thing.
With time, I started noticing slight changes in his behavior and habits as he told me not to wear short clothes and asked me to dress up in jeans and all. I didn’t take it too seriously, but slowly this thing got to the next level.
He would keep telling me not to wear sleeveless tops and shorts. As I told you before, I initially ignored it, but I began to feel uncomfortable due to his constant pestering.
I confronted him, and I said I didn’t like it, but he argued with me. It became worse when my best friend shifted out. He started telling me not to make new friends. He used to put restrictions on me and get angry whenever I met my friends.
Whenever I told him I was going out with some of my friends for lunch and dinner, he told me to come with him.
I’d say you won’t be comfortable in my friend circle, but he always misunderstood the situation. I was trying to be patient, but it was frustrating to be followed everywhere. This following everywhere thing reached a different level when I told him I was planning to meet my parents and he wanted to accompany me there. My mom knew about our friendship, but she had no idea that we were in a relationship.
More time passed, and the relationship started suffocating me. I hated daily arguments, fights, being followed everywhere, restrictions. He used to doubt my little actions as if I was some serial killer trying to commit a gruesome crime.
One day, I clearly said, ‘If it goes like this, I’m sorry I cannot continue with the relationship. I have never lived like this before, so I can’t allow you to do it with me. We should break up.’ He got angry after listening to it, and he slapped me. I was stunned. I didn’t know how to react and what to say.
I called my friend, and she suggested that I move in with her, acting accordingly. Post 7 days of our break up, he came back with flowers and gifts in his hand at my friend’s apartment and apologized for it. Pamphlets of sorry were everywhere. I was angry, so I didn’t listen and headed upstairs, and it continued the next day, and at college, we had a conversation about it. We sorted out, and I moved back with him. Trust me. It was the worst mistake of my life.
Things went well for a while, but it started happening again after a while. This time, I wanted to get out of it and never come back, but he threatened me. He said, ‘I will commit suicide, eat poison or cut my nerve if you leave me. You shouldn’t have gotten into this relationship. Now that you have so, you cannot leave.’ His threats used to scare me as I knew he was capable of doing it. Moreover, his suicide attempt had the power to ruin my life, so that I couldn’t do anything about it.
Once I even got out of the apartment, but when I reached my friend’s apartment, I got a call from his friend. He told me that Zain (changed name) had consumed poison. After hearing the news, I could feel the ground slipping away beneath my feet. I rushed to the hospital to see him. He had consumed a limited quantity, so he survived, but I had to move back.
From this point, it all turned tragic. It was always tragic even before this incident, but the degree of torture escalated, and my fear. He discovered my weakness, so whenever I tried to break up with him, he’d blackmail me, saying, ‘I’ll tell your parents about our relationship. I’ll tell others as well. So on and on….’ I used to stay back and do nothing about it.
In between, I wanted to visit my home, but he would say I would come along. They didn’t know about it, so I’d give up, but I had enough of him, so one day, when he was out of the house, I ran for Aurangabad (my hometown). I wanted to reveal it to my parents but couldn’t because my dad’s health condition was not stable. I came to know that he was suffering from cardiac issues.
At night, Zain appeared at my door. I was shocked, and I told my parents that he was my friend. They treated him well and asked him to have dinner and stay with us for a night. Then he said, ‘It’s not easy to leave me. I won’t allow you to do it.’ I can’t tell you what I felt after hearing his words. I wanted to slap him, kill him or do something that would end this relationship once for all, but I was helpless.
We came back, and it continued for six to seven months. At that time, I didn’t contact my friends, especially boys, as he didn’t like it. My guy friends used to stay away from me as they knew if I talked to them, I’d have to bear the pain.
During that time, I used to secretly meet my best friend to tell her everything he was doing to me. My life had turned into a tragic movie. Never in my wildest dream, I thought about it. For me, the reality was scarier than nightmares.
Moreover, my relationship with my parents was also at stake as I had stopped visiting and calling them frequently. They had guessed that I was in trouble, and they used to ask me, but I couldn’t muster the courage to reveal the truth. It was burdensome, and I’d blame myself for getting into it. More than him, I hated myself for tolerating such behavior and for being with him.
In between, one incident had happened, which offended me more. A girl appeared at our doorstep and started asking me who I was? Zain came out of the room and kicked her out. He told me that she was troubling him. I didn’t believe his statement, so I went to meet her. She said that they were dating each other, and he had harassed her physically. She was a replica of me because the same things were happening to her. I couldn’t digest it as I thought how cheap someone could be, but we talked about Zain, and the boy is the epitome of disgust.
We went to file a police complaint against him, but the plan backfired on me. He came to know about it, so he blackmailed me and chanted the same rant again. I didn’t have an option but to take the complaint back and leave the matter as it is. The other girl belonged to an orthodox family, so she also backed out after me. The abuse continued and turned more severe and tragic.
To end it all, I found a simple solution. My brother was enrolling in Mumbai’s college, so my parents were also relocating there. I decided to shift with them. I thought creating distance may end this relationship, but much to my dismay, he also secured a job in the same city and the same office. I moved in August 2015, and he followed my path in September 2015. Yes, it’s hard to believe, but it happened. I was frustrated beyond description.
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