Premananda Sahoo: The Correct Definition Of Masculinity

They say, ‘Fitting in allows you to blend with others, but being different allows you to be yourself, unique, and creative. It gives you the courage to follow your dreams, to walk on unknown paths, and to get over the fear of being judged.’ All of it is true, but how many of us can follow it? Like any other thing in this world, being unique, being different also comes with a cost. Standing apart demands courage and determination. 

Today’s HatkeStory of Premananda Sahoo has it all. He spent his life breaking the mard stereotypes and doing those things he always wanted to do. So let’s have a close look at his story from his perspective. 

I belong to Odisha and am a resident of Delhi. I’m currently learning Odissi (Indian Classical Dance Form) under Padmashri Smt Madhavi Mudgal Ji at Gandharva Mahavidyalaya, New Delhi. Over the past years, I have participated in several group performances and solo in various prestigious dance festivals in India and abroad with my guru over the past years. I have received a scholarship instituted by the Sahitya Kala Parishad, Government of Delhi. Recently, I performed in London at the Odisha Society United Kingdom Festival. Everyone applauded my performance, and even the women who were 90 years old came to see my performance. 

So right now, life is on good terms but coming here wasn’t a cakewalk. I had a rocky road that led me to this success. Since my childhood, I was always interested in dance. It began when I was 13 years old, my mother had dressed me up as Radha, and I danced all evening. Everyone appreciated my performance, but one relative told me not to continue with dance. He said, ‘Dance mat kar, Chakka ban jayega,’ I didn’t understand the meaning of his words, so I walked out after blurting out a casual thank you. 

Premananda Sahoo – The Struggle

My struggle started from that day only as my interest in dance grew more and more. My mother encouraged me and enrolled me in a Kathak dance class. On the first day, I came to know that I was the only boy in the class. Although, I didn’t care about it. Girls teased me and said that it doesn’t suit me, but I ignored their remarks and continued to dance.

Things turned worse when a man molested me after my performance. He cornered me, caressed my hips, and hugged me forcefully. I ran away after pushing him as a kid, and I didn’t know much about these things, but it scared me. I didn’t reveal it to my parents as I was afraid of social criticism and stigma. 

The saga of calling names started. I was bullied, taunted, and ridiculed for being a male dancer by my classmates in school and college. I was constantly called Prem Dancing Queen, Mammu, chamiya, mitta, chakka, homo, maichia, and whatnot. It was happening to me because I wasn’t involved in sports at school. After all, I preferred to dance and paint.

Their remarks pinched me a lot, and I began isolating myself from the rest of the world. Sometimes I denied going to schools, meeting people, or making friends. I used to feel embarrassed whenever someone remarked on it. Tears stung my eyes while I desperately tried to hold them back.

I was coping up with everything alone as there was something that stopped me from telling my parents. I didn’t tell them how I was being bullied at school, but I couldn’t handle it as well. It came to such a stage that I almost gave it all up.

At the age of 14, I tried committing suicide. I took a handkerchief, and I wrapped it against my neck. Then I started pulling it until I felt a sudden blackout. But then I released myself and gave up on the idea. After that day, I never tried to harm myself. I walked up to my parents and said that I did not want to pursue dance anymore. For six years, I resisted my passion, and then I decided that it was it. I can’t do it anymore.

At the age of 21, I turned back to dance and started learning Odissi.

You know what, now I find the whole experience very stupid. I mean, I wasn’t trying to trouble anyone. I was just pursuing my passion. Was it a crime? In my eyes, it wasn’t, and I didn’t deserve the treatment I got from society at such a young age. Sometimes I feel that we live in a foolish society. If someone is selfish and cruel to someone, they won’t try to stop that person.

They do nothing to stop these practices like rape, dowry, violence, and other crimes but open their mouths widely when their personal lives are in the picture. Criticizing everyone’s body language is more important than dealing with critical issues. Yes, of course, why not? After all, it’s a sign of a progressive and well-educated society. Sure, keep doing it. 

Coming back to the story, I got into dancing again, and it felt incredible. I have performed on various national and international stages, and people stopped teasing me when they saw me growing as a dancer. At least, some of them did. Although, name-calling, physical intimidation, cyberbullying, sometimes even death threats are there in the picture. I still get to listen to ‘Mardo ka naam kharab kar raha hai, ‘If you dance again, we will hit you.’. But I don’t care about these comments now. I have gotten over them. 

Still, a typical response from India saddens me, but my experience with other countries was different. They were more open to it whereas in India people hardly take an interest in classical. I feel that we are leaving our own culture behind in the race of adopting western culture. There are rude comments, stares if someone wants to follow them. Hip-hop and the other dancing forms have overtaken Indian classical dance forms. 

I appreciate hip hop and western dance forms but leaving our culture behind is a hard pill for me to swallow. Classical deserve equal respect rights.

The world is celebrating us, but we don’t even want to accept our base. At the same time, we should introduce our upcoming generations to our culture. Rather than burying it in the ground, we should celebrate it. We forget the past that has giving birth to us. Everything started from this point only. We are rooted in Indian culture, and we wouldn’t survive if we’d cut it. It shouldn’t happen. We should stop it.

And in the end, these mard stereotypes are worse, and we should stop judging people. This judgment is getting us nowhere. I remember an incident, once my father and I were helping my mother in cleaning the house. He had the duster, and I had a broom in my hand. One of our relatives suddenly came to our house and saw us doing household work. He reacted in a very negative way.

He said that our actions don’t define masculinity, but who will decide the correct definition of masculinity? Who said that males are supposed to be challenging only? Who determines which colors, designs, patterns, dance, music, sports, etc., are for men and women? There are no specific rules, and it’s all in our heads. In my opinion, gender differences shouldn’t exist. Everyone deserves a free chance to follow their dreams. Everyone should be given equal chances to become a better and more enriched person.

Being rough and challenging doesn’t make you a man but being kind, sensitive, and humble to everyone does. That’s the correct definition of masculinity. So be kind and humble to everyone. Follow your passion and have the courage to listen to your heart.

In the end, I want to say that stay close to your roots and think before making fun of someone. Little remarks can disturb a person to no end, like I was on the verge of committing suicide. I can understand it, so please stop doing it. Just change your mindset and opinions about people, and that would be more than enough because we can’t change the world, but we can change the way we look at it. Learn to be a little sensitive, and that’s it! Live and let live! That’s my message for you!

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