The HatkeStory is translating Yoga Panda aka Shipra Goel’s story Embrace Yourself With Open Arms from her perspective.
“There is no greater suffering than constantly measuring yourself and coming up short except perhaps the realization that your suffering is hurting others. But where do we learn these things? We don’t come crying out of the womb because of our birth weight or because we have no money in this brand new world. We learn to measure, and we learn to attach our self-worth to those measurements.”
Vironika Tugaleva’s quote defines current situations of our lives where we run after those things we don’t have. It’s like chasing a mirage in a desert, something that doesn’t exist, something that is nothing but a mere illusion. It is a desire, a wish that would never be granted. It is better to accept than to run behind things we cannot have.
Because there will be something, we can never have. We all have that one thing, but we try to get it by hook or by crook. All the other meaningful things of our life appear meaningless. We ignore positive things in our lives in search of desires. Our today’s entry Shipra Goel fondly known as The Yoga Panda also attempted to do it once, but with time she realized that “It is better to accept and see the positive side than to run behind something that is far away from her reach.” She learned the art of acceptance and embraced her imperfections.
Let’s read it in her words.
Shipra Goel aka Yoga Panda
My name is Shipra Goel. I live in Delhi, and I have been teaching Yoga for more than three years now. I’m a student of mass communication and journalism. I did my graduation with a master’s in the same field. I worked for a corporate company a year ago, but I called it off as my health was going down with each passing day.
Since my childhood, I have been subjected to body shaping. People would comment about my dark skin and overall body shape. Not only outsiders but my family members were also involved in it. They’d tell me that “I’m very dark, slim, and I should do something to look gorgeous like other girls.” Some of them even gave me a long lecture over do’s and don’ts. They would pin-point me on everything. The worst happened when I began gaining weight naturally after puberty.
As a child, I took their remarks personally, and it killed my confidence. Many of them would even teach me how to sit or stand properly. They would troll me for being so heavy, compared me with my siblings. My parents loved me but not the way I wanted to be loved. They treated me very differently.
I don’t remember a particular incident so bad, but those tiny remarks that people threw at me were way worse than anything else in this world. Comments like ‘Tum behes jaise dikhti ho’ or ‘How fat you have become’ were a part of my daily life for a very long time. Comparison with my beautiful sister, humiliation, and body shaming often crossed my path and tore my confidence apart.
To get over this body shaping, I joined the gym at the age of 13 but ended up quitting as I couldn’t take the pressure. It didn’t suit my body structure.
Time passed, and I got into college, and my sister shifted to some other city for further studies. So there was nobody left in my house to compare with me. My parents focused on me more. I got their undivided love. Slowly, I started discovering new things about myself. I felt free, mature, and confident—that need to prove everyone wrong faded from my mind to an extent.
I was diagnosed with PCOS during my graduation year, and my doctor advised me to reduce my body weight. This time I didn’t hit the gym but concentrated more on my diet. I started learning and reading about diets. I consulted a dietitian, and he planned a proper diet for me, which only included healthy but not exercise. I followed the diet for a month or two.
Soon, I realized I could not do it anymore as it involved too many vegetables, and I couldn’t drive enough energy from them. Then I started going to Yoga classes and following the routine diets that I had created to prepare my body for the day. That was when I fell in love with Yoga as it seemed easy to me, but I never thought I’d make a career out of it. I was not too fond of the gym, crash diets, or other heavy terms attached to weight loss, but Yoga was something different, something I loved the most. My inner voice told me that Yoga was my true calling and I should explore it in a better way.
As I told you, I was head over heels for Yoga, and I felt deeply connected to it, so I decided to pursue it as my career. Though the decision was tough considering my body weight, it didn’t pull me back. I sharpened my skills and knowledge and attempted to conduct classes.
I quit my job to become a Yoga teacher, but 15 out of 20 students walked out when they saw me entering the class on the first day of my class. I felt humiliated but continued class. Many participants commented on my weight and said, ‘How will I lose weight if you’re so obese? First, shape yourself!’ I tried to explain body types and that I could not lose weight overnight, but they were in no mood to buy my explanations.
Initially, I wasn’t growing as a Yoga teacher due to my body weight, so I invested more time reading about body structures and realized that I could not lose weight. I accepted that I would be like this, and it isn’t easy for me to reduce weight overnight. Over time, I became comfortable with my weight, and I felt happy in my skin and thus didn’t feel the need to change it.
I realized that my weight doesn’t define my worth as a yoga teacher. This feeling and sense of acceptance is the best thing Yoga has given me. I felt light, buoyant after settling down with the truth.
THE YOGA PANDA
Then I didn’t care about the rude remarks and continued to teach Yoga. I created a page, ‘The Yoga Panda’(Insta, FB), to promote my work online. People started pooling in, the same people who made fun of my body shape apologized for being judgemental. My strength of my increased exponentially from 5 to 25. Body shaming was still lingering in the background, but I didn’t give it too much importance.
I have learned a fundamental lesson from this phase ‘People accept you when you accept yourself. No one will love you if you don’t love yourself. Everything starts from within.’ This positive mindset and outlook have changed a lot of things in my life.
Recently, I came to know that my colleagues have donated their hair to help cancer survivors. This thought attracted me, and I also wanted to donate my hair. But my parents were reluctant about it because these long traces were the center of attraction. People loved my hair. They praised me for having them. So why would I give up something that made me look beautiful?
But my perspective of beauty and perfection had changed entirely. So I stayed firm on my decision, shaved my head, and donated them to an NGO. I felt like I had gotten another life. A feeling of rebirth crawled inside me when I was donating my 15 inches long silky traces. It taught me to let go in life, and I completely loved the experience.
In the end, I want to say that always believe in yourself no matter what may come. Don’t be dependent on others. Do it by yourself, and you will experience a massive change in yourself. The tendency to be dependent on others will go away. The dependency on others and things is a myth. You should never have it.
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