Harassment and molestation can terrify grown-ups to a great extent. When it comes to children, we can never imagine the impact it leaves on their hearts. Because physical abuse is never contained to the present moment, it lingers across a person for a lifetime and has pervasive long-term ramifications. It is one of the worst things that can happen to a child. Today’s narrator Parisha Dutta had a similar experience in her childhood. She was physically abused by her cousin and didn’t speak about it for years.
The issue has never been taken seriously in India, and victim shaming is also prevalent. People disregard the kid if they come out in the open to share their plight. That’s why many abused children cling to the hope that growing up will bring escape and freedom.
Sadly, it doesn’t happen. Ignoring the pain is never a solution. People should come out and share with others.
A while ago, Parisha decided to get rid of the burden. Let us hear her story.
Parisha Dutta – My Story
I’m Parisha Dutta from Assam. I graduated with English honors, and I will be pursuing my master’s in September. I am a poet, and I published my book in August 2020. Apart from it, I sing and recently I recorded my originals with the famous director Somyadeep Mazumdar. Other than that, I paint. I have written three poetry that was published on June 1st.
The abuse happened when I was only eight years old. We had gone to a family function. He was one of my close cousins. During family gatherings, we cousins used to sleep together after the family function. At that time, he came to me and started touching my body parts inappropriately. His touch wasn’t affectionate as he invaded my private zone. It was a new thing for me, and I had never experienced anything like this before. I didn’t know any such things even existed or what they meant.
On top of it, he made me believe that it was a regular thing. He would tell me that ‘You are my favorite cousin. What would I do without you? I like being close to you. There is nothing wrong with it. You are my little sister. I can love you.’ He asked me not to tell this thing to anyone. I was too naive to understand his real motives. It went on for eight years. Many years passed, and I didn’t discuss it with anyone.
Slowly and steadily, I began to realize that it was wrong. However, I didn’t dare to fight against it. Whenever I tried to disclose, he threatened me, saying, ‘No one will believe you. They’ll blame you. Your reputation will be gone.’ Then at one point, my cousin started blackmailing me.
When I was about to appear for my matriculation, my mom fell sick and had to go through an operation. I was genuinely disturbed due to both my mom’s health and abuse. My cousin said, ‘Your mother will die if you’ll disclose it now. She’s already sick. This news will kill her.’ It scared me more, and I again backed away.
That’s how the blackmailing thing continued. I had been sexually warned or instead scolded by the molester, so I started believing it was normal for me to be abused like that, but as I grew up, I realized how I was wrong. I desperately wanted to reach out to my parents, but the constant blackmailing had tarnished my courage. I couldn’t even think of bringing it out of my mouth. I used to feel so low that I stopped communicating with anyone and developed PTSD and anxiety.
Still, I kept quiet and started writing poetry to vent out my emotions. My friend pushed me to create a Facebook page as she wanted me to share my work with people. I remember posting my first poem, ‘Prostitute,’ which crossed 49 lakh views, and my page gained 30,000 followers overnight. After a while, I was diagnosed with PCOS and Alopecia. Due to the issue, I began losing my hair. I gained a lot of weight as well. The abuse added to my stress. It affected my mental health a lot, and I felt like I was silently slipping into depression. However, I got hold of my emotions and took care of my health to recover from PCOS.
At 21, I decided to shave my head and donate my traces to help cancer patients. Going bald at such a young age was hard to make, but I wanted to get rid of my fears and insecurities. It did help. People used to look at me strangely. Some of them even assumed that I was a cancer patient. But their strange glares didn’t faze me. It made me strong.
Writing boosted my morale, and I finally decided to confess it to my parents. Last year, I revealed everything to my parents. They were shocked and disappointed as well because I didn’t confide in them before. I regret not speaking up for so long. My parents served all the ties with him and his family. They are supporting me in coping with the past. I have decided not to file any case against him because remorse is more significant than any punishment. He must carry the burden his whole life like I’d carry its memories.
My life is back on track. Last year, I published my first poetry book, and I’m working on the next one. I have been doing a lot of things to make my life better. As this incident has taught me not to give up in life, I’m slowly evolving as a person. So I keep moving forward with a ray of hope in my heart.
In the end, I want to say if it has happened to you, then don’t hide it in a closet, don’t bury it under the ground. Speak about the abuse, share it with others. Not everyone blames the victim. People do support so share your pain with your loved ones. Also, wait for the right time to come. Everything will fall in its place. It always does. Just believe in yourself. That’s it.
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