Manaswita Sachdeva – My Story
I am Manaswita Sachdeva. I hail from a small town called Sonipat in Haryana. I did not have any friends for an extended part of my childhood, so I befriended the Idiot Box that resided on a 30-year-old table in my living room. I used to watch all kinds of shows. From reality shows to daily soaps, from cartoons to movies, the world of television became my comfort zone. One common thing in all these films and shows was Bombay. On-screen, I fell in love with the top city. In 2007, Ranbir Kapoor’s ‘Wake up Sid’ was released. The movie was not only a box office hit but also resonated with me to a large extent.
I was an amalgamation of both Ayesha and Sid. I was aggressive like Ayesha and carefree like Sid. Likewise, I still remember the scene where Ayesha and Sid sit on Marine Drive and discuss the city. A tiny dream of somebody sitting on Marine Drive and discussing Mumbai developed and stayed in some corner of my heart.
Life moved on, and I finally got a chance to complete my post-graduation from St. Xavier’s College, Mumbai. Finally, it was happening. I was more excited and less afraid. A day before my flight, my father asked me if I could live all by myself. With a lot of conviction, I asked him to trust me.
The day I landed at the Mumbai Airport, I was mesmerized. I could hear the song ‘Aaj Kal Zindagi’ from ‘Wake Up Sid’ playing in my mind. At first sight, I fell in love with tall buildings, yellow taxis, stray cats, and the sea. The streets of Colaba felt home to me, and I lived the dream of sitting on the Marine Drive and discussing the city. It was a magical evening.
Moving out of home came with its own set of challenges and fears. House hunting, food, and the weather, it took a few months to accept Bombay completely. My love for rain shattered with that one sneeze followed by viral fever for a week had almost depressed me. By now, I had spent one and a half months in Bombay. I was homesick. With five days of holidays approaching, I immediately booked my tickets back home.
I was so restless two days before my flight and felt as If I was running out of time. I was overwhelmed after reaching home and sharing my concerns with my family. At that time, my father told me, ”You can’t run away from what life brings to your way, whether you like it or not, you have to deal with it.” With this advice, I headed back, unaware that a road full of thorns was waiting for me.
The biggest challenge was when I lost my father to a heart attack back home. I was devastated. It was a fateful night that sudden 2 am phone, those three lonely hours at the airport. It was a nightmare, and I was taken aback. I didn’t know how to react, as I couldn’t believe it. Half an hour ago, we exchanged messages on WhatsApp, and he approved my Goa trip. I learned the sheer unpredictability of life that day.
Within a week, I was back in Mumbai, I felt as if the city was running at its own pace, and I was stuck at the same place. I spent most of my evenings alone at Marine Drive. A month went by, and my condition kept on getting worse.
It is a problem with us. We run behind everything, leaving our families behind. It’s not that we don’t love them. We think that they will always be there. We are blinded by the thought of where will these people go?
After my father’s death, when I decided to go back and pursue my studies, there was a lot of eye-rolling, and people raised questions. Luckily I had a supportive family, and I was encouraged to go back and complete my studies.
Also, I started “Artist Expression” my Instagram blog page in 2019. A creative and open space for artists where they can share and express their creativity in any form. It was very active as I post stuff regularly. I post my blog once in 15 days, and it is usually about long articles, including movie reviews, news pieces, poems, etc.
Then, I took a step ahead and went for that Goa trip my father had approved. It was necessary to bring myself back on my feet. After returning, things started getting better, and I accepted life as it came. I discovered the futility of human beings. It made me a bit kinder and a bit calmer. I have not been an expressive person when it comes to my sufferings.
The pain of losing a loved one to death is very personal. When a relationship breaks, there is still hope to meet again, but death shatters every hope, and you live with an endless void inside you. It has been three years now, the haunting memories are still afresh, but life is still going. The yearning for happiness is increasing every day. Maybe now I will cherish it more. I only regret that I did not pick my father’s video call a day before his death. I thought I would call him back the other day. The other day never came. It will never come.
However, Mumbai accepted me with open arms. The top city never slept. It kept moving. It taught me how quitting was never an option. I kept moving, and finally, the day came when an unknown virus in the air forced me to go back home. Mumbai never wanted me to leave, and I never wanted to leave Mumbai. Hopefully, we will meet again.
When Ayesha said, “Mumbai jitni khoobsurat hai, Utni hi sakt (Harsh) Bhi hai,” She was right.
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