Asexuals- A community of individuals broadly defined as the people who don’t feel sexually attracted towards others. They do fall in love, enjoy staying around people, but get away from intimacy or physical relationships. They do like cuddling and kissing but avoid having sex. Well, being a part of this community is tough for any individual. But even the LGBT community considers them outsiders and not a part of the LGBT community.
Mohor Roy who belongs to the community shared her life experiences with us. To spread awareness, today, Hatke Story is presenting her story on the platform. Let’s know more about her life.
Coming out and disclosing reality is way more difficult than accepting the truth. Many individuals don’t even speak about it because of the fear of judgment. Accepting and speaking the truth becomes more complicated when you belong in a country like India. Because we are born to get married one day and what’s marriage without sex? Though people aren’t concerned about pleasure, having kids. That’s quite impossible if one partner is asexual.
Mohor Roy – My Story
I’m Mohor Roy. Currently, I’m pursuing Bachelors’s in Commerce. I was born in Kolkata’s middle-class Bengali family. My family strongly supported education and my parents told me not to worry about money. They encouraged me to take part in extracurricular activities. Along with this mindset, it groomed high moral values with in our family background. That’s why I had a funny and independent childhood. My parents allowed me to choose, they granted me enough freedom so I can do whatever I wished to.
Everything started from high school. During those days, my friends used to discuss their crushes, partners, boyfriends, or boys they wanted to date. Whereas I used to feel left out like I didn’t fit into it. I enjoyed listening to their romantic stories. They seemed fascinating, but I felt unusual whenever they discussed intimacy.
At first, I took it casually, and I paid little attention to it. I thought it’s happening because I’m not dating someone or I didn’t have any love interest. I’d start feeling normal once I fall in love, but it didn’t go according to my thought process. With time, I started doubting my emotional state.
To know more about it, I turned to the internet. There were a few articles available on the internet written by cosmopolitans and some other magazines. Apart from them, I went through a 30 minutes long video on YouTube that talked about asexuality and how Asexuals can help each other in coming out. Some other pages included confessions of romantic Asexuals.
One by one I read all of them. These articles helped me a lot in comprehending my situation and sexuality. I finally realized that I’m asexual. I understood what I want and what I don’t want, what I like and what I don’t like. On one side, the truth brought relief, and on another side; it brought fears and insecurities.
In the initial phase, I isolated myself and I started focusing more on my studies to deal with loneliness. I had no social life, and I never went out with friends. I spent a lot of time with my family and books.
My high school friends knew about it and because of it I had to go through mockery and comments like ‘How do you know you don’t like sex? Have you tried it before?’ ‘Have you ever had an abusive sexual relationship with someone that made you asexual?’ ‘Were you molested in your childhood? If yes then it could be the reason behind the issue?’ ‘Before jumping to the conclusion, try having sex with someone. You may like it. Everyone does.’ So on and on, I have heard everything.
A long time back, someone wrote a Facebook post about me that questioned my behavior and character. After reading the post and the mean comments about me, I cried a lot. Though I used to console myself by saying ‘If someone is crying in front of you, they won’t you tell them not to worry about such people? Then why are you bothered? So stop crying. You are strong enough to fight against it. Sexuality doesn’t matter, but personality and character do.’ These words would make me feel better.
Although, because of these incidents and bullying, I had developed major trust issues. My mind took a long time to overcome the doubts and to trust people again. Things changed when I entered college. They put me into a new environment and people around me were also different and less judgemental. So I opened up with others that made me feel comfortable with myself. Now, I have supportive friends who love me as a person and friend.
I mostly enjoy my time with them. They have been so understanding, and don’t ask stupid questions. They don’t make me feel uneasy and abnormal, and accept me the way I am, with my perfections and imperfections. Sexuality doesn’t play any role in friendship. They love me as their friend and as a person. And why shouldn’t they? It’s the bond, honesty, and commitment that counts. Now, I can say I have genuine friends who genuinely care for me.
These positive changes in my life and the people’s confession that I read online inspired me to share my story with others. So I shared it online with official media houses. Recently, I uncovered the truth in front of my mother. She was calm, and she listened to me patiently, then she enquired enough about it. However, her reaction was modest, nothing close to shock, disgust, or fear.
I didn’t expect her to come to terms that early, but she understood. My father still doesn’t know about it because I couldn’t confess it to him. I’m not sure yet if he will understand me or not. But no doubt I’m in a better place. After going through a traumatic phase, I have learned to accept myself and this one thing has given me enormous strength to live my life happily. I’m not afraid of judgment and I believe in making my own decisions that favor my life.
But before concluding I’d like to say a few words about the community. Asexuality is a part of the LGBT+ community, but we are a small and marginalized community. People hardly know about us. Even the LGBT community sometimes refuses to accept Asexuals as a part of them. It creates hassles and accepts issues that are not right for any individual. That’s why it’s harder for us to have a normal, happy, fulfilling life because people shy away from identifying our sexuality.
Some of them even consider it a medical issue but trust me, it is not a medical issue. We don’t need to consult a doctor. It’s completely natural. No medical care or treatment can change it. So I request everyone ‘Please change your mindset.’ Educate yourself and include others in society as well. It’s for everybody. People can be different and that’s completely acceptable. So be open-minded and try to embrace others.
You won’t believe there are only 29 countries in the entire world that have legalized same-sex marriage. Because for years, everyone has convinced us that only heterosexuality is normal and anything other than that is abnormal and must stop. But that’s not true homosexuality and asexuality are as normal as heterosexuality. It’s just we refuse to speak about it
It’s because people are not ready to accept others. That’s why people within the community get depressed, maybe because they are living in a closed box and carrying the burden of a dark secret. Maybe because they are trying to be what they are not.
However, you can help them in living a happy, content, respectful and peaceful life. So please be kind to everyone. Try to understand others. Some people might not look like you, they might not feel you, they might behave differently, but in the end, they are humans. They deserve respect and love.
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