We are back with the second part of Shyam Konnur’s story Fighting Hard to Omit Gender Discrimination. So do read this inspiring story. If you haven’t read the first part, we suggest you go back and read it first; otherwise, you won’t understand the story. So do it, and let’s continue listening to the story.
Shyam Konnur – His Story
In the end, suicide attempts also didn’t work in my favor. So I turned to another option which was ‘Distracting myself from my sexuality.’ To take the plan forward, I started going to a church I had visited while randomly walking on the road. I went to talk to the people, and I felt comfortable around them. So I began going to the church though I didn’t reveal my sexuality.
The particular church claimed to be different from others. They promised that they could change anyone and gave an example of a gay man who married a woman after coming to the church. They alleged that the church’s holy environment changed him. This incident gave me the hope that I was looking for.
So I also started following their methods. They taught me more about religious practices and told me that how being a gay was a sin. They said you could change only if you seek forgiveness for your wrong activities and promise to never have such sinful thoughts in your mind. Their mindset influenced me as I didn’t know much about the LGBT community, or instead, I didn’t dare to accept that I was gay.
My family didn’t like it as they possessed negative thoughts about churches. At first, they told me about people’s evil things in churches, but I didn’t listen to them. So to stop me, they locked me up in the room, so I quit visiting the church. Still, they couldn’t keep me away because I used to go by climbing down the pipe or by opening the lock with the help of a screwdriver. I did it all because, in church, I felt cured. I considered the distraction as a permanent solution to my problem.
Finally, my sister kicked me out of her house because I didn’t stop going to church. They weren’t against Christianity but the Mormon church. It was frightening because I was barely 19 years and I didn’t have a roof over my head, no job to pay my bills, and no family to look after me.
I joined a corporation where I served as a BPO, but I didn’t have the finance to pay my bills. Passing that particular month was difficult. I was staying at different places. I’d go to my friends’ stay there for three days and leave the house. Then I’d repeat the same story with another friend. That’s how I spent the month by switching from one friend to another.
During the lunch break, I’d walk out at work so I wouldn’t have to tell them that I didn’t have money to eat. Due to this phase, I stopped visiting that church because I was too tired to fight against it.
I decided to meet more people and find someone like me. One day, I went to a cyber cafe and searched ‘Where do Gay men meet?’ Google came back with an extensive list. In Bangalore, there are multiple places where homosexuals meet each other, but people aren’t aware of them. However, I was scared to meet them at shady places like couple’s parks or public bathrooms.
Luckily, there was one bar in Bangalore where gay men used to see each other. So I’d go there at 7’O clock and come back around 9 pm. At that time, I didn’t know people hit the bar after 9 pm. I went there for a year but couldn’t meet anyone. Then it was my last day as I had decided not to come from tomorrow. So I stayed after nine, and then people poured in. That was a life-changing moment as I saw a lot of people who were like me.
My first meeting with them was very awkward. However, I felt great after confronting someone like me. I discovered that there are more people like me, and I’m not the only one. They helped me out in getting rid of the guilt. Then I saw the community growing big. I made some friends there. My friends opened my closed heart. For the first time, I felt like I belonged somewhere. Their presence worked like a soothing balm for my mental health.
We debated about the community and how they struggled for acceptance. Their plight gave me power and strength. I started speaking about my sexuality to the press and media. Many articles were published on my life. My parents saw the newspapers and articles, and then my father showed them to everyone in the village. They couldn’t deal with the truth as it was a massive thing for them.
During the confrontation, he said, ‘What are you doing? You are spoiling the family name. We will not accept you ever again if you continue to be like this.’ His statement angered me. So I notified him in clear words, ‘I have left your home, and I’m working for myself. Leave me alone if you can’t accept me the way I am.’ Rather than staying by my side, my family chose to leave.
However, losing my family forever was just the mere beginning of my journey. There was a lot that happened when I accepted my sexuality. Things turned drastic when Ghulam Nabi Azad (chief minister of Jammu and Kashmir) stated in the Times of India stating ‘Homosexuality is a western disease.’ They used my pictures for their article.
My college friends contacted me to ask about the disease and where I got it in my body. The chaos was enormous. Still, I stayed patient and waited for the situation to turn in my favor. With time, things went down and turned normal. Though discrimination never left my back.
To bring change on the ground and in people’s minds, I launched Mist in 2009. It’s an online platform that aims to bring queer and ally together. So people can accept themselves the way they are and still celebrate their identities. Through the platform, I wanted to tell them that their mindset and actions define not gender. It’s okay to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer, and asexual. It doesn’t change anything. You are you. Just be a good and kind human being, and that’s more than enough!
It took years to stabilize the Mist, but it did happen. In 2015, Mist initiated a campaign called ‘Making LGBTQ India Digital’ where we provided website spaces for small CBO’s and NGOs free of cost.
Then in 2014, I came to know about Mr. Gay India, which is the only Indian beauty pageant organized for Gay Men. Initially, I wasn’t sure about it, but I started following it sincerely when Sushant Divgikar won Mr. Gay India. After that, I applied for it, and I was accepted as a participant. Then what followed the tale was utterly unexpected and surprising. I earned the title of Mr. Gay India 2020. The victory added feathers to my career, and I got limelight overnight.
Since that day, I haven’t looked back. Currently, I’m working as a motivational speaker, LGBT rights activist, model, and software engineer. The discrimination has faded a lot. That’s why I’m spreading awareness and motivating others to fight for their rights.
So that’s my story. Before finishing, I want to tell everyone one thing: ‘ If you want to accept yourself, then accept others too. Seek acceptance but grant it too. Don’t behave like a hypocrite. All humans are equal, and no one will harm you. So let them be the way they are. Men, women, LGBT community, together we form humanity. No one has the right to deny anyone’s existence.
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