In India, mental health has become a topic of debate in recent years, whereas the topic of child loss has never fetched significance in Indian society. The pain of losing a child is the greatest pain a parent can ever go through. It is tormenting and torturing for the parents. Whether an adult or a baby, a child’s loss is a loss. When Swagata Majumdar had to go through a similar experience, she realized what our society was missing. She decided to push through the pain to bring a change in our society. The following is the story of a woman of strength.
But in our society, people judge and discriminate against pain, too. When a woman loses her unborn or newborn child, she is told to move on from the child loss and conceive another child in the future. She is told to forget the trauma, she is not allowed to cry over the loss.
Women are either asked to get the courage to walk through the pain, shut themselves off or dive into depression. The couple doesn’t get a chance to talk about the pain, especially the woman. Let’s hear the story from Swagata herself:
Swagata Majumdar – Her Story
I was born in the small town of Kolkata, and I grew up in Dhanbad. At the start of my career, I worked as a journalist and RJ. I am also an international voice-over artist. I met my husband through my cousin. They were friends.
We fell in love and committed to each other. At one point in our life, we were living on two different continents- the UK and Australia. But we decided to make our long-distance relationship work. When we came back, we decided that it was time to tie the knot. So, after one year, in 2013, we got married and settled down in Bengaluru.
In 2019, I conceived and it was my third time. I had already lost my two unborn babies in 7-8 weeks itself. But this time, there was hope in our eyes that everything would go well. Then our gynecologist told us that we were having twins like we always wanted. We thanked God for listening to our prayers. We even nicknamed them – Gamma and Gannu.
My husband and I knew that giving birth to two babies at 37 would be difficult. It may endanger my life. So, we tried to avert any problem that could lead to miscarriage. I did not want to lose my babies this time.
But with every week, things got worse and worse.
In the ninth week of my pregnancy, I started bleeding. By week 14, there were a lot of other issues. I began writing letters to my twins, thinking that I would not make it till the end, and they should at least have the chance to know about their mother. I poured my heart out in those letters. Furthermore, I told them how I wanted them to be when they grew up, what I expected from them, and how their mother was. I wrote that people come to this world alone. But in their case, it was different. They were coming together. So, no matter what happens, they should stick together to protect each other.
But what happened was worse than I had imagined it to be. When I was 5 months pregnant, my water broke. I was rushed to the hospital, and they immediately admitted me. That was the first time I came face to face with the probability of losing my children. Even after the water broke, the twins showed healthy growth.
I came back home as things were getting normal. During the 6th month, my umbilical cord prolapsed. The chances of the baby being born safely were getting less. So, I went through C-section. On 13th January, around 11:30 p.m., our twins Gamma and Gannu were finally born. I was relieved, but I was in so much pain that I couldn’t notice that my babies were not crying. My husband did.
The doctors informed us that my one baby was critical, and he was not responding to the oxygen in the morning. My heart sank, but I consoled myself saying ‘He would be okay in some time. At that time, the other baby was doing well. On 14th January, we lost one baby.
I was in stitches at that time, and my body was not responding well to any medication. The news acted as an oil to the fire. My condition deteriorated. My husband had to go to bury our child. I couldn’t be there to support him. A while later, the doctors reported that my second child was bleeding internally, and it ruptured his lungs.
After hearing the news, my husband came to me and said that I had to fight for my baby. The nurse brought my baby. The minute I held him, I felt relieved for the first time during the whole procedure. I begged him to stay with his mumma.
I held him in my arms for one hour, and all the while he was fighting to stay alive. After seeing him in so much pain, how selfish I was behaving. My baby was suffering, and I was asking him to fight, so he could be here with us. I didn’t want him to go through it anymore. I told him that I would understand if he wanted to go to his brother. 5 minutes later, he lost his life and went to heaven to join his brother.
I was heartbroken. I didn’t have a reason to continue with my life. Furthermore, I had no purpose for living. I wanted to go wherever my sons were. My body was also responding according to my mental state. My condition was critical, and my chances of survival were decreasing with each passing minute.
To be continued in part 2…
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